Eigotaku design.

It’s been a while.

I wrote a poem in a few minutes but it sums up how I’m feeling pretty well.

It’s called “When”.

Here goes…

When you put your heart and soul into something.

When you’ve sacrificed work and family.

When you’ve stayed awake at night with anxiety.

When you can’t sleep from excitement. 

When you feel defeated from silence.

When you’re motivated from just one lone voice.

When something has to end.

When you know in your heart of hearts.

When you still keep fighting with every ounce of strength. 

When the one thing that gave you purpose kills you.

When the one thing you craved was the death.

When you share a stage with comrades.

When they are, in reality, strangers.

When you work towards one final day.

When you convince yourself you don’t want it anymore.

When you convince yourself it’s your fault.

When you convince yourself everyone is busy.

When it was your only goal.

When to everyone else it was their bit on the side.

When you talk too much but don’t say very much. 

When you’re the only one with a real voice.

When there are too many chefs and not enough cooks.

When you just want to do your job.

When you can’t look someone in the eye.

When you strive to connect with a murmuring crowd. 

When you have to make nice to take one step forward.

When you try your hardest then go two steps back.

When you thought you were indispensable.

When you wait for the call.

When everyone else can’t remember. 

When you will never forget.

When you need something more than they do.

When they need you at their beckon call.

When you are digging deep to find real friends.

When you look to the ground and admit the end.

When they are the void you translate as acceptance. 

When the people you helped create exist are here.

When they don’t realise what they are.

When you wake up each day with this in your rattling mind.

When you work, grind, bleed, sweat and cry.

When you realise…

Somehow…

You are still alive.